Dr. Rick's Blog

Be Prepared

rbavaria — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 08:00:00 -0500

For the past few weeks we’ve been discussing ways we can help our kids in this New Year. I suggested a half dozen resolutions earlier in the month, and last week we talked about the dangers of chronic absenteeism and the power of just showing up.

So, we have our kids resolved and present. What’s next? Here’s a suggestion, one that we can help our kids with – be prepared. Be prepared for learning, for what goes on in the classroom, and for what happens at home. Just as you can’t learn if you’re not present, you can’t learn if you’re not prepared either.

Here are some suggestions we teachers can try in the classroom and parents can try at home.

1. Do that homework. Teachers give homework to review the skills they’ve taught yesterday, to reinforce the skills they’ve taught today, and to pique interest in new skills to be introduced tomorrow. Parents help kids stay on track when they have firm homework routines, and when they check up on kids’ homework regularly and randomly. (Randomly keeps kids on their toes.)

2. Anticipate classroom discussions. The best teachers routinely tell kids what to expect. “Tomorrow, let’s pick up this discussion with Jack’s interesting observation about the Battle of Lexington.” Or, “Chapter seven gives several thoughts for us to consider. We’ll talk about them tomorrow.” When kids know what to expect, they can be better prepared. Parents can talk with their kids about what tomorrow’s classes may be about. Prod kids’ thinking.

3. Anticipate test questions. Teaching kids how to anticipate what will be on a test is a great skill. Remind them to pay particular attention to teachers’ repeated remarks. (“That’s the third time she’s commented on the ‘blood theme’ in Macbeth – must be important.”) Also, paying attention to highlighted chapter headings in text books, to themes in class discussions, and to the material that teachers stress and get excited about won’t hurt.

4. Study with buddies. Study buddies are valuable and essential. Teachers regularly put kids in groups where they learn with and from one another. Parents can encourage study buddies to come over for pizza and homework/studying. When like-minded, motivated kids support, compete, and celebrate with each other, learning becomes meaningful and fun. Nothing wrong with fun.

5. Take notes. Good note-taking is a perfect way to be prepared. Teachers stress what they think should go into kids’ notes. Parents can look over kids’ notebooks – paper or electronic – and help organize and anticipate.

6. Participate. Class participation is essential for keeping up, and keeping up is essential for being prepared. Good teachers involve everyone in class discussions, and parents can encourage kids to participate. Ignore the distracters and clowns, pay attention, and participate – it’s a recipe for success.

7. Talk about school. Making content from school the occasional topic of conversation at home shows you’re interested, involved, and not to be deterred. If you’ve read the novel they’re reading in English class, an informal dinnertime discussion can’t hurt.

8. Get help when you need it. Kids need help now and then. Just like adults. If you suspect your kids need a little extra help – or, better yet, if they’re brave and motivated enough to ask for it – look into tutoring. It works. Ask a friendly teacher, a really, really smart National Honor Society kid, or a professional tutor to help. The company I work for, Sylvan Learning, has a great track record.

Determination to stick to reasonable New Year’s Resolutions. Showing up. And being prepared. These are common sense practices that, with your help, can keep kids on track, motivate them with success, and maybe even keep a little peace in the family.

You Can’t Learn if You Don’t Show Up

rbavaria — Mon, 13 Jan 2014 07:31:00 -0500

Last week we talked about New Year’s resolutions for school success, and I suggested a half-dozen good ones. Here’s another one: make sure your children’s attendance at school is regular and steady. Kids don’t learn – can’t learn – if they’re not in class.

Absenteeism is at the heart of school trouble. In my own career, my heart aches for boys and girls who are fully capable of academic, social, and life success but who – for one reason or another – simply don’t show up. Their failing grades and lonely lives are a direct result of their frequent absences.

Research and common sense tell us that kids who are chronically absent do poorer on tests, read with less proficiency, write with less skill, and compute with less accuracy than kids who come to school. Worse, the results are cumulative. Google “school attendance and achievement” and see for yourself.

It’s a topic I’ve often talked with parents about over the years. And I’ve written about it here.

Here are some thoughts and a couple of suggestions you can try.

1. Be a good role model. Kids do what we do more often than they do what we say. So, it’s important that we adults show them that we show up for our important duties and responsibilities. Work, commitments, volunteering, keeping promises.

2. Organize. How many times have I heard parents use the lame excuse, “Oh, our house is so crazy and hectic! We overslept again.” As if that’s a reasonable explanation for jeopardizing a child’s future. (Screaming at parents doesn’t work, but I’m sure tempted.) Take control of your family by organizing the household, setting routines, and sticking to them.

3. Set expectations. You’re expected to show up for work every day; make the same expectation for your children. Reward good results, have consequences for not-so-good ones. Keep in touch with teachers to show your commitment – to them and to your kids.

4. Make attendance a goal. Regular attendance is an easily-tracked goal. If poor attendance is an issue for your family, show the kids you’re serious, you’re determined, and you’re checking.

5. Break down the year. Just as you’ve taught your kids that big tasks are less scary and easier to accomplish when you break them down into smaller ones, so the same for attendance. Focus on one week at a time rather than a full semester or – even harder – a full year.

6. Check for other issues. Chronically poor attendance, hooking class, and not showing up can be (and usually are) signs of deeper troubles. Talk. Listen. Stay involved. Enlist the help of a kind and understanding counselor or some other professional. But don’t ignore the problem. Yes, many middle and high school kids are tempted to skip the occasional class, but most don’t. If you suspect the bad influence of so-called friends, start clamping down. You’re the boss.

Chronic absenteeism is not, fortunately, a universal issue, but if it haunts your family, do something about it now before it causes long-lasting effects.

A Half Dozen New Year's Resolutions for School Success

rbavaria — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 08:00:00 -0500

Happy New Year! Here it is the beginning of the new year, and we’re all busily making our New Year’s Resolutions, which we all know from experience will last – maybe – until the middle of January. We’re well-intentioned but not always good on perseverance.

Since our kids follow our behavior better than they do our advice, it may be a good time to reflect on what New Year’s Resolutions we’re going to be making this year.

I have an idea. How about making a resolution, along with your kids, that can help them achieve in the classroom and beyond?

Remember the goals you made at the beginning of the school year in September? The ones that narrowly focused on a couple of subjects, behaviors, habits, or attitudes? I’ll bet the recent holidays managed to pry your attention away from them, right? Now might be a good time for you and your kids to re-focus, as school starts again.

That’s the good thing about school – you get two new years!

We parents and teachers know well that the best way to ensure our kids are doing what we want them to do is to check up on them. And the best way to check up is regularly but randomly. You learned that in Psych 101, remember? Random checks, rewards, and consequences go a long way to changing behaviors.

So, here, in the spirit of the New Year, and in the hope of re-kindling those school goals, are a half-dozen suggestions of things you can randomly check up on. Feel free to substitute ideas that work with your family. Let your kids know you’re going to be taking an enhanced interest in their schooling. They’re gripe a little, maybe even roll their eyes (“Yeah, we’ve heard this before”), but make it your sole New Year’s Resolution and they’ll soon see you’re serious.

Check on their . . .

1. Homework and study areas. They can’t find their supplies, notebooks, texts, or other study materials if they’re constantly disorganized or their study areas are FEMA sites. Drop in periodically, unannounced, to have a check.

2. Projects. You’ve read it here before. Break up scary big projects into easy, smaller ones. This requires staying to a schedule. Waiting until the day before the Science Fair to begin a project is a recipe for embarrassment, frustration, and family drama.

3. Behavior. How’s behavior in class? In the halls? At lunchtime in the cafeteria? At recess? On the athletic fields? Talk about your expectations, and if you feel a reach-out to Ms. Stickler is appropriate, do it. Communicating with teachers is easier than ever with emails, texts, and school websites complete with private teacher pages.

4. Studying for tests. Everyone knows when the “big” tests are given. The end-of-unit tests, the semester tests, the state tests, and the Friday vocabulary and spelling quizzes. If teachers can give surprise pop quizzes, so can you, especially when you hear, “But I don’t have any homework tonight!” Spring a pop spelling or math facts quiz. They’ll keep on their toes.

5. Grades. “Tell me about English class. What’s likely to be your report card grade in a few weeks?” is a good –and timely – conversation starter. Kids know what their grades are. Engage them, listen, vow to help.

6. Notebooks, computers, and planners. You can tell a lot about kids’ study habits by looking at their personal school materials. Usefully neat? In some kind of order? Easily used? Or a disaster zone? As a teacher, I’m able to do a pretty good diagnosis of kids’ learning by a quick look at their notebooks. (Backpacks are an even better tell-all.) Help them learn how to organize.

Every family has its own needs, of course, but take it from this veteran teacher – random checks, honest and helpful, not punitive or “gotcha,” can help kids of all ages know you’re interested in their success and willing to take an active role. Persist. You’ll be glad you did. Eventually, they will, too.

Take Your Time!

rbavaria — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 07:26:00 -0500

My dad, a military man we used to call The Major, dispensed advice readily. How to take responsibility for yourself. (“Excuses only satisfy the man who makes them.”) How to neaten up after yourself. (“A place for everything, and everything in its place.”) How to learn from your mistakes, as long as you don’t keep making the same ones. (“Even a jackass doesn’t step in the same hole twice.”) And the importance of taking your time when you’re working on something worthwhile. (“Haste makes waste.”)

That last one is particularly important for students as they do their schoolwork. I’ve been teaching a long, long time, and the stories I could tell of kids – smart kids – who screw up an assignment, a test, or a project simply because they rushed through it.

“Oh, I didn’t see that instruction!”

“We were supposed to answer the odd numbered problems?”

“How could I misspell so many simple words?”

Take your time, I tell kids that every day. Why’s everyone in such a rush?

Here are some thoughts.

1. Take time to think. Kids are impatient, that’s a fact. They speed through everything. It’s up to us adults, their parents and teachers, to help them see the importance of thinking before acting. A few minutes’ thought can save several hours of make-up work.

2. Take time to do your work. I may sound like The Major, but haste really does make waste. Oh, the mistakes we make when we’re in a run and a fall-down!

3. Take time to proofread and check. Training them to go over their work before they consider it done (let alone turning it in) is a gift they’ll use forever. They’ll find all sorts of silly mistakes in arithmetic, spelling, or basic facts.

4. Take time to develop the habit. Help them get in the habit of taking their time on activities that require thought and consideration. Give them a specific homework time duration. A good rule of thumb is ten minutes per grade – first grade, ten minutes; fifth grade, fifty. Make sure they’re busily engaged during the whole time. Check on the results. If they insist they’re finished early, give them a few extra spelling words or a few more double-digit multiplication problems. You’re the boss.

Enlist the help of study buddy friends. I’m a big fan of kids having study buddies. When they study with friends, they engage in friendly rivalry, mutual encouragement, and celebration when they’re successful. For major assignments, I require pairs of students to check on each other’s work. If I find a dumb error when I’m grading papers, each one loses points. This keeps them alert, and it greatly minimizes my homework time! So, there.

We tell them to spend the time to be successful on the sports fields and with their hobbies. We can also convince them to take the time necessary for academic success. When they see those improved report cards, they’ll make the connection between time and good grades.

Pretty Good Rules for Kids

rbavaria — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 07:14:00 -0500

It doesn’t matter what they say, kids really, really like rules. Yes, they complain at times and even pitch the occasional fit, but rules provide structure and limits, which kids crave – even if they don’t realize it. Rules develop eventual independence. Rules help kids figure out their own boundaries.

Watch what happens when some child ignores a rule in class. “Ms. Smith, Cherie’s butting in line!” “Mr. Luden, Jarrett’s using the pencil sharpener without asking first!” “Cafeteria Lady, Troy’s trying to get two cookies!”

Even older kids rely on rules. Parents’ and teachers’ rules can help strengthen kids’ resolve without their losing face. “I really want to go to that party at Jan’s house while her parents are away, but my folks won’t let me. Darn!”

I have rules in my high school classroom – they usually revolve around respect, responsibility, keeping the peace, and learning. I ask kids about the rules their parents have at home, and it’s no surprise that the clearer and more consistently applied their families’ rules, the better the kids tend to do in school.

Rules rule.

When kids abide by rules, it’s easy for parents and teachers to loosen up a little. When kids don’t abide by rules, the rules become tighter. That’s fair. Kids know fair when they see it.

Here are some pretty good rules that have worked for me and my kids over the years. Feel free to adapt and use in your own families and classrooms.

Help out around the house. A household is complicated, with lots of people’s needs and expectations to account for. Help keep it smoothly running by being responsible for a few chores and obligations.
Help your brother and sister. Siblings learn from each other all the time. We adults might as well channel that natural dynamic by insisting they’re helpful to each other in school, at home, and at play.
Homework first, then TV. This one’s a no-brainer. Periodically, randomly (that’s the best), check up on their work. To establish your parental bona fides, make some sort of helpful comment, even if it’s a stretch about making it neater. Then TV.
Keep your room and study area organized. Organization is the key to successful studying. It’s true in school. It’s true in the workplace. Save kids’ time and energy (“I can’t find my highlighters again!”) by expecting a reasonably neat room and desk.
Choose your friends carefully. This can be tough, especially as kids get older and seek more independence. But one of adults’ most sacred duties is to keep kids as safe as possible. If you suspect some friends are troublemakers, find the right time to have a chat, and either your kid will put your mind put at ease or you’ll set some limits.
Family routines are important. Dinnertime, bedtime, study time, play time, worship time, family time – these and other routines form the basis of kids’ lives and help establish lifelong values. Expect kids to abide by your family’s routines.
Be polite, courteous, and respectful. My grandmother used to say, “No matter who you are or where you are, when you’re rude, you’re wrong.” I tell my kids it doesn’t matter whether you like the person you’re dealing with, just be nice. Life will be so much easier.
Do your best. At home, at school, at play, do your best. I can usually disarm potential arguments at homework time by asking simply, “Is this your best?” There’s some eye-rolling, but eventually it gets done better.
Be fair. Kids can spot unfairness a mile away. They expect everyone to be fair to them. We must insist they’re fair to everyone, too.
Learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes. It’s one of the things that make us human. Heroes make mistakes. So do parents, teachers, and coaches. The mistakes, even if they’re painful or embarrassing, can be valuable, though, if we learn from them. Help kids through the tears and sense of loss, and then show them how to make the best of a bad situation. It’s a good life lesson.

Rules don’t have to be authoritarian and smothering. Don’t forget the earned praise that motivates kids, and remember consequences can be equally effective. Like everything else with kids, a little flexibility, some common sense, and a whole lot of humor will go a long way.

Go Ahead, Run for Class President

rbavaria — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 08:57:00 -0500

Over the years, I’ve sponsored lots of student elections. Fourth grade president, sophomore class secretary, drama club president, editor-in-chief of the school paper. They’re all heady affairs, fraught with emotion and promise, but I’m convinced they’re worthwhile and rewarding experiences.

Kids learn a lot from “putting themselves out there” and running for a position that teaches leadership and initiative. They can grow personally, socially, academically, and emotionally.

Here are a few persuasive thoughts I’ve used with kids who’ve asked what I thought about their running for a school or extracurricular club election. I almost always encourage them. I’ve seen even the most unlikely candidates (“You want to do what?!”) step up and become surprisingly good school leaders, much to many people’s surprise. School’s a time for taking risks and learning, right?

1. Gain confidence. Nothing promotes confidence better than tackling a challenge and knowing you’ve done your best.

2. Keep your grades up. Since you have to maintain a good grade average to run for office, this is a great way to study for those tests and complete those assignments.

3. Learn when you win. Winning feels good, and it’s a good practice to evaluate why you’ve won. What did you do to make a difference? What did you learn?

4. Learn when you don’t. Okay, so you lost this election. What could you have done differently? We humans can learn a ton from our mistakes. What did you learn?

5. Improve your communicating. Communication skills – reading, writing, speaking, and listening – are among our most effective life skills. Learn to be thoughtful, analytical, persuasive, and responsible.

6. Improve your organizing. Every school project requires organization, from your book reports to your science fair projects. Same with running for school office. Manage your time, break big tasks into smaller ones, stay focused, and ask for help when you need it.

7. Be of service. Working for a cause you believe in, helping others, sharing your talents, and pulling your weight can be fulfilling – not to mention making you a good citizen.

8. Make friends. Running a campaign is the epitome of being a team member, and team members learn from one another, recognize each other’s talents, and become friends.

9. Motivate yourself. Have the words “This is boring” ever escaped your lips? If so, here’s the perfect opportunity to motivate yourself to a more exciting and purposeful school life.

10. Learn about volunteerism. Everyone can give of himself or herself. Giving generously of your time and talent to a cause you believe in will improve your life. I guarantee it.

Running for team captain, class secretary, or tech club president can be a great experience, make for some new friends, and even enhance a college application. Give it some serious thought, will you?

Keep Telling Stories

rbavaria — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 07:20:00 -0500

Our family story tellers are treasures. The grandparents, the affable uncles, the history-minded aunts, the cousins who fill in the gaps of generational memories – they’re all treasures who entertain, inspire, and encourage us.

Become one of them.

It’s not that hard, and our kids will love you for it.

I’ve written before about kids interviewing grandparents and other older relatives to learn about their histories and their places in those histories. It’s good for kids, and it’s good for grandparents. But there’s no reason why parents and kids can’t keep the stories coming. Kids are more interested than they let on, and we parents know more stories than we realize.

There’s nothing more welcoming than a sincere, “Come sit here by me for a while, and let’s talk.” Watch how kids respond when they know you really mean it, that they’ll hear a good story, and that you’ll listen to their stories.

Here are some ideas for stories that can get you started.

Family stories. Pique kids’ interest in their family by learning as much as you can about maternal and paternal relatives. Kids love to feel a part of groups, and there’s no more important group than family. Research interesting (“Did you know Grammy Jones was the first woman sheriff in her town?”), amusing (“Great Uncle Phil lost his swim trunks after his high-dive at the Fourth of July competitions – right in front of the mayor!”), and informative family lore (“Cousin Louise has written a website about our family’s immigration to the U.S. in the early 20th century. We should ask her to tell us about it.”)
Lesson-learned stories. Kids learn from our mistakes when we’re honest and not too preachy about them. A well-timed “teachable moment” story about the time we messed up an important test because we didn’t study enough can be worth its weight in gold.
Twice-told stories. Kids love hearing favorite bedtime stories over and over again, why not favorite family stories? How Mommy and Daddy met, the day I was born, the snowstorm that caved in the porch roof, rescuing Fido from the pound, the best Halloween costume ever – these are all as enjoyable the tenth time as they were the first. Plus, kids get proficient in the story and then someday tell their kids, keeping the stories and their characters alive for another generation.
Neighborhood stories. Just as they love being a part of a family, kids love being a part of a community. Every neighborhood has stories. Tell stories about the history of your neighborhood, what it was like years ago, memorable neighbors, and interesting occurrences. If you’re new to your neighborhood, do a little research together.
Proud stories. Tell kids about the things that make you proud. The championship softball season. The time you surprised everyone, no more than yourself, when you won the school spelling bee. The Memorial Day when Tia Celeste was naturalized after working so hard to learn all that history. The amazing concert of your favorite entertainer that you’ll never forget. Pride’s a sin only when it gets in the way of goodness, and you’re creating good memories for your kids here.
Story teller stories. Tell your kids about your favorite story tellers, how they held you spellbound, how they gave you the gift of happy memories, how you’ll never forget them. Favorite relatives, teachers, clergy, and natural story-telling friends who make you laugh, cry, and think all at the same time.

Our stories can help kids through tough times, especially when the stories are immediately relevant (“I missed an easy fly ball in the ninth inning. I thought I’d never live it down. But I did.”) and sincere.

Our stories can help develop kids’ language arts skills – reading, writing, speaking, and listening – especially if we write informal “story journals” as a family, read them together occasionally, tell each other stories about interesting things that happen to us every day, and listen, listen, listen.

Kids do that really, really well. Listen. They’re listening all the time. Might as well make it worth their time.

Just Be Nice!

rbavaria — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 08:00:00 -0500

Last week we talked about being nice to the new kid. This week, let’s expand the idea. Whenever my students proclaim that they don’t like someone – “Deondra’s being mean to me!” “Mr. Ogre won’t let us do anything in Social Studies!” – I remind them school would be so much easier (so would the world, by the way) if we’re just nice to each other.

“You have to like your family and friends, but you don’t have to be BFFs with everyone else,” I tell them. “But you’ll get along so much better if you’ll just be polite. Be nice. Try it and see if I’m not right.”

Well, that causes lots of adolescent discussion. It’s not fair, it’s not “real,” why can’t other people be nice, too? Yes, I tell them, isn’t it awful when people don’t behave the way we want them to? But that’s life. At least we can make a small difference.

So we have a class meeting (which, sneaky me, leads to a short writing assignment) about how we can be nice to other people, people we really like, and people we’re not crazy about.

Over the years the kids have come up with some pretty good suggestions. They make more of an impact when they come from the kids themselves rather than a teacher. I don’t claim that these suggestions completely eliminate classroom, cafeteria, and playground squabbles, but they sure do help. Here’s a dozen, in the kids’ own words. I started them off with “I can . . .”

“When my mom or dad asks me to do something, I can do it right away.” Simply stated, easy enough to do. At least theoretically.
“I can do a chore without even being asked.” Want to make a parent faint? This’ll do it.
“I can help someone with their art project because I’m awesome in art class.” Good. We can work on modesty later. (A variation of this always comes up for other subjects and sports, too.)
“I can clean up my room.” (Or play area, homework area, closet, or back yard.)
“I can help my younger brother when he’s having a hissy-fit about something.” Younger siblings are a rich source of inspiration. Must be heavy sibling arguing out there.
“I can give some of my allowance to the pet shelter.” This causes other kids to pipe up about their favorite charities.
“I can be better about taking turns. Sometimes I cut in line at lunch.” This usually brings a chorus of “Sometimes?!”
“I can try to be more fair.” Kids are really good at noticing when something or someone isn’t being fair.
“I can try harder when I’m doing my homework.” Or doing chores, or learning a new math skill, or paying attention in class, or getting out of bed in the mornings.
“I can laugh more. Sometimes I’m cranky.” Cue head nodding from classmates.
“I can be better at sharing my things.” This is especially important to the younger students, who share classroom supplies like crayons, construction paper, and sparkles.
“I can try to understand other people’s feelings.” This one’s not easy. Empathy isn’t always easy for adults, either, I tell them. But keep trying. It’s a noble goal.

They can go on and on. One kid’s suggestion brings on other ideas and variations. When I ask them to write about one or two suggestions they’d each like to concentrate on, it’s amazing how seriously they take the assignment. These are their ideas, after all, not mine.

Be Nice to the New Kid

rbavaria — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 08:00:00 -0500

When I was a kid a century or so ago, I was an “army brat.” My family followed The Major wherever he was stationed – all along the East Coast and to Europe for three years. By the time I graduated from high school, I had been to seventeen different schools. It never occurred to me that families could stay in any one place for more than a year or so.

I was forever the “new kid.” Because I didn’t know any better, it was no big deal. I learned to get along, to make friends quickly, and to be aware of other new kids.

There are still new kids in schools everywhere. Maybe they all don’t go to as many schools as I did – then again, maybe some do – but being the new kid isn’t always easy. Arriving in the middle of the school year, without the history, connections, and routines of new classmates can be stressful for some kids.

It can’t hurt to be welcoming to them.

Here are some inviting things you classmates can do to help the new kids begin to feel at home. I remember these minor kindnesses from my own childhood, and I’ve seen them re-enacted by students in my own classes and schools over the years. They can work tiny miracles.

Invite to lunch.Lunch time may be the most important social activity of school. It’s daily, a break from the rigor of classes, and informal. A simple “Come sit with us!” can help a new kid feel a part of a new school.
Invite to play. Same for recess. Independent play on the playground is not only good exercise, it allows for creativity, social skills, and informal problem-solving. Asking the new kid to join in the games can help everyone. Who knows, she may be a budding soccer star.
Include in class activities. Classrooms are beehives of activity, with small groups forming and re-forming several times a day – reading groups, math groups, science labs, art project teams, multi-grade rehearsing for the Spring Play, band groups. Inviting the new kid to be a part of a group helps him feel accepted.
Invite to study. You already know I’m a great believer in study buddies. These are classmates who get together informally to study for tests, help with homework, support each other, compete a little, and celebrate successes. Invite the new kid to study with you and your study buddies. The more brains the better!
Catch up on class routines and rules. New kids won’t know the routines and classroom rules you’ve become accustomed to. Help smooth their transition to your class and school by explaining what Ms. Noflaw expects in math class or what Mr. Goodword wants in English.
Tell about the school. New schools can be intimidating, especially big ones with complex schedules and programs. It’s not easy navigating new schools while also trying to make friends and keep up grades. Help out, for heaven’s sake!
Make it a group activity. Get your friends to join in on inviting the new kids. The athletes, the artists, the tech nerds, the school play actors, the math geniuses, the writing stars, and the social butterflies can all play important parts.

New kids are promising, interesting, and potential new friends. The best and wisest teachers will help them adjust and encourage students to be helpful. But the best help is the organic, naturally-occurring kind, coming from the new kids’ new classmates themselves. We’re all new kids at one time or another in our lives – might as well help each other out. “Be a blessing to someone today,” I tell my students. Helping the new kids is a perfect start.

Grandparents Raising Kids

rbavaria — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 08:00:00 -0500

I’ve seen lots of social, cultural, and educational trends during a long career working with kids and their families, but few are as obvious as the increasing number of children being raised by grandparents. According to the U.S. Census Bureau seven million live in households headed by grandparents. That’s a lot of kids.

I’ve worked with many of them. Here’s what I’ve noticed. These kids are every bit as eager to make their grandparents proud of them as kids in traditional households. These kids have the same basic needs, the same aspirations, the same desire for guidance.

Here’s what else I’ve noticed. Grandparents are eager for a little help, a little nurturing, and a little support. “What do I start with?” “It’s been so long since I was in school, how can I help with homework?” “Am I out of my league?” “Can I do this?”

No need to get into the reasons for grandparents raising kids. Each family is unique, with its own dynamics, strengths, and needs. But if grandparents want a little encouragement, a couple of tips from someone who’s worked with lots of them, here’s my two cents’ worth about the considerable gifts older folks can give to young folks.

Safety. Kids’ most important need. If we want them to succeed in school, to have confidence in the classroom and the neighborhood, they must first feel safe. The grand moms and granddads I’ve known are experts in helping kids feel safe in a sometimes topsy-turvy world. Your mere presence says, “You’re safe with me.”
Love. Grandparents’ specialty! Kids need to know they’re loved, cared for, and part of a larger group. Safety and love – with these two basic needs, you’re already on the right track, and they’re ready to make you proud.
Routine. This is one of my favorite topics. Routines let kids know what’s coming next and what we expect of them. And because healthy routines help kids with their school work, they’ll soon see results. Those results will lead to confidence. A virtuous circle.
Organization. Grandparents have a thing or two to share about organizing their lives. Even if it’s been a long time since they’ve had to maintain notebooks and assignment schedules, they’re still experts at navigating daily life and its expectations. Showing kids how you organize your household – calendars, written reminders, planners – translates easily to school organization.
Communication. Vital. Talking with kids at the end of every school day, asking what went on in English class and the lunch room, listening to the daily stories about friends and teachers, keeping up with progress on the science fair project – these are ways to show you’re interested and not to be diverted.
Responsibility. You’ve been responsible for years. Recognize that. Know that you’re a fine role model for your grandkids. Show them how you’ve lived up to expectations, sometimes with difficult challenges, sometimes with failure, but always with determination. What a great life lesson!
Expectations. Who better than grandparents to set high expectations for kids? Don’t worry if you don’t understand the homework, or if it’s been a long, long time since you’ve even thought about photosynthesis. When in doubt, insist on neatness – if it’s not neat enough for you, it’s not neat enough for Ms. Greenleaf. Ask kids to “explain” their answers, essays, and projects. They’ll strengthen their understanding, and you’ll learn, too.
Wisdom. You’ve got tons of this. You’ve fought for it, earned it, learned it, embraced it, and now you can share it. For example, show the grandkids the wisdom of learning from mistakes, of persistence, of doing their best, and of lifelong learning. Just like you’re doing.
Compassion. A little silver in the hair generally is a sign that we’ve been around long enough to gain compassion for others. When grandkids see you quick to praise and slow to anger, they’re learning a very important life lesson.
Family. You’re their link to their past and their present. Give them the gift of family ties, family lore, family history, and family belonging. All kids want to feel part of a larger group. You can give them membership to the best group of all – family.

Grandparents have lifetimes of learning to share with their grandkids. I remind my students’ grandparents of the wisdom, experience, and love they have to share. Yes, if you’re a custodial grandparent, it’s a big job you’ve taken on. Yes, you’re concerned about energy and stamina and relevance. But, my goodness, what great gifts you’re blessing your grandkids with. Recognize those gifts, take pride in them, and watch your grandkids grow.